Anonymous asked:

You were so knowledgeable and passionate in that post about the blue ringed octopus (and all correct! Which is like.. super refreshing on big popular posts?? Kinda?) like I felt the urge to go all rich aristocrat and send you a handwritten letter asking for your hand in marriage. 💌🪸🪼🐙.

You know so much about blue rings I have another kind of ring for you 💍

-💛💛💛💛

Listen it is completely adorable that you sent this ask at all, much less to a blog I haven’t posted to in years, but I need you to understand that post was FULL of misinformation.

It was paraphrased from memory based on a highly sensationalized animal show (The Most Extreme) from like 15+ years prior and that show used a LOT of dubious or unsourced information (read: LIES) and NOTHING on that post concerning cone snails should be trusted at face value NONE OF IT.

Conus geographus is about 4-6 inches long and FULL OF LIES.

Please let that post die I’m begging y'all, why can’t any of you love me for the times I’m just really gay and annoying.

Someone in the notes on that post the other day said they thought part of my rant was plagiarized from something I’ve never heard of. PLAGIARIZED! For NOTES!

I want to grab them by the shoulders and stare directly into their eyes as I tell them there is NOTHING I want less from tumblr than more notes on that GODforsaken post.

Anyway the ocean still sucks[citation needed]. Don’t go in it.

If you’re outside and a non-bird animal or shell is pretty because of its bright colors it’s probably not safe to touch it. If its defense mechanism is the opposite of hiding, it evolved a very good reason for that.

I cannot believe I am sitting here picking the green peas out of my microwaved fried rice in year of twenty twenty GOD damned three and I am TO THIS VERY MINUTE still haunted by that post. I had a whole years-long arc where I was tumblr famous for screaming about crocodiles after this and even THAT was years ago now.

The tumblrinas used to YEARN for my crocodiles! They called them “good boy” and “a good sharp dog” and asked if they were single! And lo, even they are long forgotten to the sands of time (unlike crocodiles themselves, which have held their form virtually unchanged for a hundred I SAY ONE HUNDRED million years.)

(And yet would you believe that sex differentiation in crocodilian embryos is determined by temperature, and that climate change now threatens them with extinction if they cannot keep enough eggs cool enough to produce a stable reproductive balance? Crocodilians and their Protosuchian ancestors date back to the TRIASSIC era WHEN FIRST THE NOBLE KINGDOM OF THE ANIMAL SET UNGRACEFUL FOOT ASHORE and yet the actions of humanity may soon doom them to a warm, unsexy fate.)

Don’t trust everything you read on the internet, and

DO NOT TOUCH THE NATURE.

As for that pickup line, that’s an A plus. Context appropriate celebration of me being a huge nerd while making it your own in a clever and romantic way? That would probably work on me.

THE BAR HAS BEEN SET. ALL FUTURE SUPPLICANTS AT MY ALTAR MUST MEET OR EXCEED THE BAR, OR I SHALL ACCEPT NO LIBATION FROM THY HAND.

(What about owning up to the mistakes of a poorly sourced post and correcting misinformation is that also sexy? Please say it’s sexy. Please love me in spite of the warning signs. Also please ignore the warning signs, the scientists at that containment facility don’t know what they’re talking about, I’m perfectly safe and normal.)

Also stop following this blog, I only post to @eldritchamy now. I STILL probably get more follows on this cadaver than I do on my real blog. Where I’m weird and gay literally all the time.

I lived

I lived

DO NOT TOUCH THE NATURE.

I lived

I lived

I lived

I lived

I lived

I lived

I lived

I lived

FOLLOW ELDRITCHAMY, I DON'T POST HERE ANYMORE

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

DO NOT TOUCH THE NATURE.